Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Damn You Pixar, Damn You!
Well I just got finished watching Disney Pixar's "Up". First and foremost I would like to say, John Lasseter and crew, you sneaky sons a bitches, you did it again. As the menu screen slowly burns into my TV, I sit here wiping my eyes, (equally from tears of laughter and from other squishy emotions), and ponder what makes a Pixar film so great. I don't want to say that their works are formulaic, but they do have a rhythm and rhyme that is distinctly Pixar.
Most are aware that there is no great story without great conflict. Hamlet, The Divine Comedy, Porky's Two: The Next Day, they all shared this ethos. Pixar has taken spinning tragedy into a wonderful plot to an art form though. Let's run down a quick list. Toy Story 1 & 2 (soon to be 3) all dealt with loss of some kind. Monster's Inc it was a loss of home for poor Boo. A Bug's life, well you have me there, maybe going through changes, metamorphosis and what not. I don't really remember that one well. Touching, but not to say so tragic that one feels the immediacy of the loss. Childhood playthings, the home and friends you grew up with, these are the things that we look back on with nostalgia and ennui. Moving on.
Finding Nemo. First five minutes of the movie a barracuda ate his freaking mother! Way to step it up Pixar! I will always have a fondness and dread of that movie, due partly to the excellent animation, partly to the story and characters but mostly to un-named amount of high quality LSD that was put in my mouth as a "welcome home" present many years ago. By the way and for the record, probably not the best way to work off jet lag. To give you, kind reader, an example of it's potency, we laughed, cried and shook in fear for what we thought was the entire movie. Turns out it was the DVD menu. We watched it for 40 minutes before we realized our folly. Once we hit play, boy did I think we were in for a treat. Ellen Degeneres' plucky Dori saying, "I need water, fill my trailer with water", looped on the menu screen made promises of mirth and merriment. Promises it did not keep. This was the scariest movie I had ever seen. Seriously, if you have a mental death wish try it for yourself. The only thing getting me through the entire family being wiped out, blood thirsty sharks and killer jellyfish was Crush. God bless that turtle and his So Cal laid back attitude.
The Incredibles was basically McCarthy era blacklisting and propaganda, Ratatouille was about pestilence, and WALL-E was about killing the environment. I believe Al Gore did an amazing job directing. Cars was just so Nascar people had a movie to take their kids to.
Which brings us to Up! I'll be honest and I bought this on a whim. I heard good things so I decided to drop $20 and see what all the fuss was about. Well! Curtain up! (Spoiler alert!) We start with a lovely opening montage for which Pixar is famous. The animation is crisp and beautiful and it captures my attention. The bouncy soundtrack takes me to by gone years of Talkie pictures and when people called having crabs, "A case of the Jitter Bugs". Then I start to feel where this montage is going and I immediately start to tell myself to man up. But no. It was comparable to when you have a clogged drain and you pray that the bowl doesn't overflow, but you know it's gonna happen anyway. Not to give it all away, but basically they encapsulate the phrase "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans". So I start wailing like a kid with a skinned knee. And they don't stop there, no we get hit with these emotional zingers about every 15 minutes. If you don't shed a tear or two, congratulations, you have no soul. The Dark Lord (not Voldemort [He dare speak the Dark Lord's name!]), will be up soon to hand over the keys. That being said, great film, rent it, buy it, whatever. I loved every minute of it and suggest you put the bottle of Jergins down and use those tissues for swabbing tears.
Until next time, like a male cheerleader after one too many wine coolers, I'm out.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Welcome back.
Hi there. Just want to start off by saying it's been a while since I've posted anything. The two of you reading probably already know this. If you have never read my B.S. before, welcome and or condolences for thinking this was a scat porn site. It's been 2 months and a lot has happened.
There was the night my sister was supposed to get married and since the wedding was called off and people had non-refundable plane tickets we had a party. That party did wind down a bit around 11:30pm, luckily about 10 minutes later SWAT showed up, culminating in a 5 hour hostage situation next door and that house catching on fire. These things happen.
Or how about the night I had a Halloween party and random coworkers showed, totally blitzed, made out or bitched about other coworkers, then tried to invite my guests away with them. I have to apologize for the 18 year old kid being hit on by potential maternal surrogates, I'm sorry dude.
The following night I did end up going to a great Halloween party where I paid $20 to get in. I believe the cost was set by the amount of time you had to wait to move 13 feet. True.
Tomorrow is casual Friday at work. I think it's time we test the limits of this. Gentlemen, I put it to you to to let your sack hang out more and more throughout the day. Ladies, you need to lower your bra strap by a quarter inch every hour until it's totally hanging below your breasts. A little side boob never hurt anyone. Let's just see how casual shit can get.
I have more to say, but much like learning Chinese or anal sex, you need to ease your self into these things. Rushing in just leads to poorly ordered take out or fissures. Or both. Feel free to leave comments, turn your friends and neighbors onto the blog or inquire where to send donations.
Like a bag of Funyons in front of a stoner, I'm out.
There was the night my sister was supposed to get married and since the wedding was called off and people had non-refundable plane tickets we had a party. That party did wind down a bit around 11:30pm, luckily about 10 minutes later SWAT showed up, culminating in a 5 hour hostage situation next door and that house catching on fire. These things happen.
Or how about the night I had a Halloween party and random coworkers showed, totally blitzed, made out or bitched about other coworkers, then tried to invite my guests away with them. I have to apologize for the 18 year old kid being hit on by potential maternal surrogates, I'm sorry dude.
The following night I did end up going to a great Halloween party where I paid $20 to get in. I believe the cost was set by the amount of time you had to wait to move 13 feet. True.
Tomorrow is casual Friday at work. I think it's time we test the limits of this. Gentlemen, I put it to you to to let your sack hang out more and more throughout the day. Ladies, you need to lower your bra strap by a quarter inch every hour until it's totally hanging below your breasts. A little side boob never hurt anyone. Let's just see how casual shit can get.
I have more to say, but much like learning Chinese or anal sex, you need to ease your self into these things. Rushing in just leads to poorly ordered take out or fissures. Or both. Feel free to leave comments, turn your friends and neighbors onto the blog or inquire where to send donations.
Like a bag of Funyons in front of a stoner, I'm out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)