Let's Get Motivated!

Well it's about time we stopped being so lethargic and finally get motivated here in the Burgh. I mean come on people, not only do we have the G-20 summit coming in September, a new casino and 3 drive-ins within a half hour from downtown, but today to get people in the spirit of not dicking around, we had Get Motivated! For those not in the know, Get Motivated is a business seminar being held around the country to, well, get people motivated? Sure, that may be easier said than done, but at these prices how can you not get excited? For only $19 dollars, you can rub elbows with other unemployed people while already rich people make money by spouting bullshit. Fun! Exciting! Economy! What's that you say? Sorry dick, but I have a job? Well you're in luck! Your employer can send not just you, but all the other annoying wangs you harass the one attractive person in office with, the whole crew! For just $19 dollars! $19 fucking dollars! That's right, you, Loud Talker (he goes by L.T.), Blackberry guy, Hawaiian shirt guy, Crocs and Popped Collar (P.C.) can all attend this Gala event! Granted, I'm sure it seems like a bargain, especially when you are all taking sick days you get paid for anyway and you don't have to do shit, but wait there's more! Who can you touch finger tips with as they walk by much like on professional wrestling? Lemme tell you, they have spared no expense. Ex- New York city mayor Rudy Giuliani , ex Steeler Terry Bradshaw and Gen. Colin Powell! Plus many additional bags of douche you didn't even know you should be blowing for their knowledge and wisdom!
What I really got motivated for was the commute home and trying to avoid thousands of walking cock burns try to drive back to the burbs. It can be startling to see that many bleached assholes at one time, so I had to play it careful. Luckily I made it back safe, but today is the day the Portuguese invade... but I'll save that for next time.